The funniest question we get is “You did what?” The funniest response is “I could never do that!” Someone even thought I was crazy enough to marry my brother (Zost & Zost)….not really, but it’s a running joke.
Yes, I remarried my ex-husband, or as I like to call him now, Darling Husband 2.0. You may be wondering, especially if you are divorced, how in the world does that happen?
Funny you should ask….
After a health scare a few years ago (see the DEW Issue Autumn 2017) I re-evaluated what I wanted in my life. Now that I was given another chance, kind of like being given Life 2.0, what was I going to do with it? There is no time to waste!
Carey (aka Darling Husband 2.0) and I were married 5 years & our story was not really any different from many couples-our marriage was challenged, pride & ego & the NEED TO BE RIGHT began to fuel all of our communication and our relationship. I will admit even in the middle of signing divorce papers in court, my heart knew I was giving up on the Love of my Life & he had given up on me-that was my perception.
God has a crazy gift that He gave us all-it’s called Free Will. My faith and belief are we were created by Him with our own free will to make decisions ourselves with faith in God. The caveat to that is we are free to make a decision on our own without faith. I DO NOT SUGGEST DOING THIS IN ANYWAY WHAT SO EVER!
Carey and I began to live our lives with our own free will-different relationships, same challenges, both comparing others to each other-that pride & ego thing we discovered, blinded our decision making…I mean we were better off, right?
Communicate with words, not by text
Fast forward, a few years and a few experiences & life lessons that made us both realize maybe being “right,” maybe all of those BIG arguments and annoyances, were really not as BIG as we thought, maybe just maybe, we should have clung to our faith & trust in God and each other. And maybe just maybe, if we realized that we needed to communicate in a clear way with our words, not by text (Dear Jesus that has caused many an argument because lets be honest-he reads a text with his own perception and I did the same-usually negative,) and admittedly after being in relationships with others, we realized we should have fought for our marriage with trust & faith harder and fiercer than we had ever imagined!
Carey one December night, left a bottle of wine and bath bombs on my front door step-he still tells me it was Santa not him. We began to talk, not text, friendship not relationship.
You make plans and God laughs.
Well God was laughing 2 months later in February. I had surgery and to my dismay, my doctor would not just let me go home in an Uber. So guess who was available to pick me up? Yes, you guess it, Carey-he was not yet Darling Husband 2.0-LOL!
He was gracious enough to pick me up, get lunch for me, my prescriptions and let me have Jake the Dog for the week (yes we shared custody of the doggy.) Carey said to me before he left “hey maybe we can go to the movies or something when you are feeling better?” I happily obliged. We saw more movies over the next 2 months…laughing, talking and really connecting without all of that pride and ego business. He was wonderful. I was fun again. When I say we laughed, we laughed so much my abs hurt, my cheeks hurt and my feel-good chemicals were at an all-time high. Butterflies? No, this was much better, deeper, significant. Way better than butterflies.
Not long after that, I sat in on a two-day team communications training with Fortune Management down in Houston-coincidentally right before a weekend getaway we had planned-the first getaway. I was overwhelmed at God’s timing- communication. EVERY WORD-EVERY LESSON took me back to different moments of strife in our marriage. I was listening to the solutions. Hearing a different, loving way to resolve conflict, a healthier way to HEAR Carey. And, I was hearing how I need to lovingly share with him how I need to be communicated with. I was hearing “Oh my Lord…Deana Zost you are going to remarry this man & it’s going to be FOREVER.”
Let’s just say, Carey and I had a 3 1/2 hour road trip and the first words out of my mouth were “I learned so much about communication these past few days I am so glad we have all of this time for me to share it with you!” as I pulled out the notebook full of notes to share. Ha! Ha! Carey’s words were “Me too!” His face may have been saying something a little different.
That weekend changed our lives. It was so fun & so full of breakthrough….and it was full of our internet-breaking Facebook posts- for the first time in years we were somewhere together having fun!
We took our time learning about the “new and improved” Carey and Deana…we are AMAZING!
February 1, 2019, almost 9 years after our first marriage, Mr & Mrs. Carey Zost had their Grand Re-Opening (ie We got hitched!) No one knew except our family, close friends, well and all SCN Unplugged attendees in Napa Valley (Dana Watson and Debra Nash the video you sent to me singing Going To The Chapel must be made public one day!)
The judge was intrigued by our story and wanted to make sure he would never see us again for another “reason.” I think he was more excited to marry us than we were to get married (and we were pretty excited!)
Yes, Your Honor, Darling Husband 2.0 and I have Rules of Engagement-really we do. Nothing in a text that is more than an “I love you” or “I made it to the location.” “Please bring home some milk.” When either one of us has something to say, say it, say it then, say it with love. Daily ask “How can I support you today?” even if the answer is “just love me.”
I have often thought about our journey and if I could change it, would I? I do not think we would have the bond or marriage we do today had we not seen “the other side” of divorce.
It was the path of our own free will that challenged us to really release the pride and ego & allowed us to come to each other with grace, humble hearts, and forgiveness that only agape love can give.
Maybe I should not have signed those divorce papers, maybe we should have fought to stay married….and maybe, just maybe, you make plans and God laughs…and gives two people the gift of Marriage 2.0.