VULNERABILITY

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My entire life, I always wanted to know what people thought about me. That’s the “superpower” I always wished for when others would say they wanted laser vision or superhero speed. 

I wanted to know so that I could change whatever it was that they thought about me – to be more likable, more fun, more of…what I wasn’t. 

I spent my entire life trying to please others in hopes of gaining acceptance that I never felt I got. 

Until I stopped. 

I learned that I will NEVER be enough for others. For a recovering perfectionist, and an empath, that is devastating news, by the way. We all want to be loved and accepted, right? Why is that wrong? Because it is, trust me. 

Here’s where you expect to see that typical, “I learned to love myself”, thing people throw out there. What about when you DO love yourself?  How can you love yourself and so often feel ‘less than’? It’s possible, trust me. 

I am accomplished, very proud of both what people see on the outside and the person I am on the inside. I’m genuine, good, and caring. I’ve been through hell and back and still have a smile on my face. I don’t want to change. So I don’t. 

Here’s what I do:

I stop giving a shit. It’s that simple. If I find myself in that place where the lump in my throat starts and self-doubt creeps in whispering in my ear, I SHUT IT DOWN. Mid thought. I often shake my head and say to myself, “I don’t care”. 

I don’t care if I’m enough for some people. Or too much for that matter (because I am a LOT). I instantly focus on something else (usually a get-to), which gets 100% of my focus and energy (best time for a workout in case you’re wondering lol). 

In that instant, I stop myself from being a slave to external sources of energy. If I allow things outside of me to be what makes me happy, I give it the power to make me sad. 

I’m a work in progress. I still have moments where I feel completely alone in a crowded room. I still have to fake it to make it sometimes. But when I say the less I give a crap, the happier I am, it’s true. 

Acceptance is where the magic happens.

Being unapologetically you. Those that matter will accept you and those that don’t, don’t matter. They will find their own tribe. 

 

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